Bruce Lee. Alive. Playing ping-pong. This is the stuff that dream are made of, folks.
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Guillermo Del Toro To Direct Pinocchio, Revive Childhood Nightmares
I do what I want!
Apparently the Mexican director plans to direct all of my favorite books—literally, all of them. First there was the announcement that he was going to direct The
Hobbit. Then came the news that he would take on both Frankenstein and Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, along with whispers that he wants to shoot H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness. Now, I have received the glorious news that he will be directing a stop-motion version of Pinocchio.
For those who are only familiar with the stickily saccharine Disney version of the story, you’re in for a surprise. Carlo Collodi’s pitch-black parable of a devious little marionette is a subversive satire of 19th century Italian society. Though it was written for a children’s magazine, the serialized story features an aggressive and malicious young boy (not unlike his picaresque counterpart Tom Sawyer), whose folly and frivolity get him him into increasingly dire situations. We see little P smash the talking cricket during one of his tantrums, convincing the cops to arrest the unsuspecting Gepetto, and, in the story’s intended conclusion, the mischievous protagonist actually ends up hung to death. How’s that for a bedtime story?
Scientist Proves Santa Exists
The Vitruvian Claus
Santa exists! Or so claims Dr. Larry Silverberg. The North Carolina State University professor and NASA Mars team member answers all those pesky questions about how the rotund gift-giver accomplishes his physics-defying duties
In an interview with Discovery Canada Dr. Silverberg explains Santa’s route-planning software, cellular data collection system, and even the approximate time frame that he and his elf minions migrated to the North Pole.
Watch clips of the interview here.
Martians Kidnap Santa, Fail To Steal Presents From Earthling Children
Seriously, why are you green?
While I’m on a Christmas countdown kick, I want to thank my friends over at Film and Cinema Puritans for mentioning Santa Claus Conquers the Martians on their list of favorite Christmas films. As the title may suggest, this is a classic holiday-themed sci-fi flick, most famous for its regular appearance on worst films ever made lists. Obviously, this is one of its most attractive traits, since “worst” is often just another word for “best” when it comes to B-movies—especially of the science fiction variety.
As the highly nuanced title suggests, this 1964 made-for-TV gem sees martians kidnapping jolly Saint Nick (and two unwitting Earth children) to enslave for the purpose of building of toys for their children. Through a series of unexpected events, a dim-witted robot ultimately ascends to the position of extra-terrestrial gift-giver and Santa returns to the North Pole with the presumably scarred little-uns. There’s also a commentary on the reclamation of individuality and cross-cultural (er, planetary) dialog in there somewhere, but really this movie isn’t so much about lessons as it is about laughing yourself into a stupor of stupidity.
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The 12 Days of Zombie Christmas
BRAINS!
Whatever you celebrate this holiday season, be sure to check out Sean Bieri‘s themed comic strip for Tor. His zombie-based reinterpretations of classic Christmas stories begin with “Gift of the Zombi,” a simplified—and much improved—variation of William Sydney Porter’s overly altruistic tale, “The Gift of the Magi.”
Sherlock Holmes: The Comedy
Pucker up, Watson!
Just when I thought my little heart couldn’t handle any more Sherlock Holmes excitement, I’ve been given some potentially devastating news: Judd Apatow is producing a “comedy” based on the classic detective, featuring almost-past-his-prime funnyman Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Borat aka Bruno aka Ali G).
Don’t get me wrong, I love both actors. And, despite having spawned a tiresome genre of movies about bumbling man-boy stoners, I can’t totally criticize Apatow either. The problem is that I just…well…I don’t like mixing geek stuff with dork stuff. We’re talking about apples and oranges here—Sherlock Holmes as a slapstick comedy?! I don’t think so.
From what I can tell, the project is still in the very preliminary stages and doesn’t even have a name. I’ll have to do some more sleuthing of my own and investigate further.
The Neverending DVD Story
I’ve never seen The Wire but I know the theme song by heart. Every morning for a period of several weeks I would find my roomate curled in the fetal position on our couch with the menu screen for the show blaring on repeat. As everyone who has fallen asleep while watching a DVD knows, the infinite repetition of the main page can go from a lullaby into a loathsome loop—especially for unwitting housemates, lovers, or pets.
As if the actual experience weren’t bad enough, someone has gone and made an internet version of this apparently universal experience by creating youfellasleepwhilewatchingadvd.com, a website that allows you to endlessly watch the menu screen for Punch Drunk Love, Arrested Development, or even Terminator 2.
Old School Vampire Kit Sells For $15k
Fangs sold separately
With the irritably angsty Twilight sweeping movie theaters and True Blood still skulking through TV-land, a whole new generation of sexually repressed audiences is discovering the inner blood-lust—or, at least, a fictional fetish.
Longterm fans of the genre, however, will be more interested to learn that an authentic 19th century vampire kit (complete with holy water, wooden stakes, and garlic) was recently sold for an astounding $14,850. The kit also included anti-werewolf silver bullets—you know, just in case.
Mario Kart Love Song
Sam Hart’s singer/songwriter gig is not what it sounds like. The San Francisco-based musician’s acoustic ballad “Mario Kart Love Song” references the video game in its lyrics (“no one can touch us if we pick up a star”), while evoking the crooning sweetness of a tributary tune (typically my least favorite kind of song). Donning a green hat and a painted mustache as he sings, Hart strikes the right chord between sentimental and satirical.
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The Adventures Of Langdon St. Ives
Eerie adventures...
James P. Blaylock has an affinity for inventing authors out of the blue. His fictional poet William Ashbless was reportedly imagined with the help of then fellow Cal State student Tim Powers. Though the two later found guidance under Philip K. Dick and have since gone on to become successful authors of their own, this urge to treat the imaginary as the real permeates Blaylock’s work.
The Adventures of Langdon St. Ives is a throwback volume of the purest form. Blayblock revives his classic steampunk stories and novellas in the guise of Langdon St. Ives for a pure parody/poem of Victorian exploration and eccentricity—a love letter to the literary imaginations of Jules Verne and H.G. Wells. The volume is divided into six sections and includes stunning illustrations by J.K. Potter.
Dorkscape 