Scientist Proves Santa Exists

The Vitruvian Claus

Santa exists! Or so claims Dr. Larry Silverberg. The North Carolina State University professor and NASA Mars team member answers all those pesky questions about how the rotund gift-giver accomplishes his physics-defying duties

In an interview with Discovery Canada Dr. Silverberg explains Santa’s route-planning software, cellular data collection system, and even the approximate time frame that he and his elf minions migrated to the North Pole.

Watch clips of the interview here.

Martians Kidnap Santa, Fail To Steal Presents From Earthling Children

Seriously, why are you green?

While I’m on a Christmas countdown kick, I want to thank my friends over at Film and Cinema Puritans for mentioning Santa Claus Conquers the Martians on their list of favorite Christmas films. As the title may suggest, this is a classic holiday-themed sci-fi flick, most famous for its regular appearance on worst films ever made lists. Obviously, this is one of its most attractive traits, since “worst” is often just another word for “best” when it comes to B-movies—especially of the science fiction variety.

As the highly nuanced title suggests, this 1964 made-for-TV gem sees martians kidnapping jolly Saint Nick (and two unwitting Earth children) to enslave for the purpose of building of toys for their children. Through a series of unexpected events, a dim-witted robot ultimately ascends to the position of extra-terrestrial gift-giver and Santa returns to the North Pole with the presumably scarred little-uns. There’s also a commentary on the reclamation of individuality and cross-cultural (er, planetary) dialog in there somewhere, but really this movie isn’t so much about lessons as it is about laughing yourself into a stupor of stupidity.

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The 12 Days of Zombie Christmas

BRAINS!

Whatever you celebrate this holiday season, be sure to check out Sean Bieri‘s themed comic strip for Tor. His zombie-based reinterpretations of classic Christmas stories begin with “Gift of the Zombi,” a simplified—and much improved—variation of William Sydney Porter’s overly altruistic tale, “The Gift of the Magi.”

Sherlock Holmes: The Comedy

Pucker up, Watson!

Just when I thought my little heart couldn’t handle any more Sherlock Holmes excitement, I’ve been given some potentially devastating news: Judd Apatow is producing a “comedy” based on the classic detective, featuring almost-past-his-prime funnyman Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Borat aka Bruno aka Ali G).

Don’t get me wrong, I love both actors. And, despite having spawned a tiresome genre of movies about bumbling man-boy stoners, I can’t totally criticize Apatow either. The problem is that I just…well…I don’t like mixing geek stuff with dork stuff. We’re talking about apples and oranges here—Sherlock Holmes as a slapstick comedy?! I don’t think so.

From what I can tell, the project is still in the very preliminary stages and doesn’t even have a name. I’ll have to do some more sleuthing of my own and investigate further.

The Neverending DVD Story

I’ve never seen The Wire but I know the theme song by heart. Every morning for a period of several weeks I would find my roomate curled in the fetal position on our couch with the menu screen for the show blaring on repeat. As everyone who has fallen asleep while watching a DVD knows, the infinite repetition of the main page can go from a lullaby into a loathsome loop—especially for unwitting housemates, lovers, or pets.

As if the actual experience weren’t bad enough, someone has gone and made an internet version of this apparently universal experience by creating youfellasleepwhilewatchingadvd.com, a website that allows you to endlessly watch the menu screen for Punch Drunk Love, Arrested Development, or even Terminator 2.

Old School Vampire Kit Sells For $15k

Fangs sold separately

With the irritably angsty Twilight sweeping movie theaters and True Blood still skulking through TV-land, a whole new generation of sexually repressed audiences is discovering the inner blood-lust—or, at least, a fictional fetish.

Longterm fans of the genre, however, will be more interested to learn that an authentic 19th century vampire kit (complete with holy water, wooden stakes, and garlic) was recently sold for an astounding $14,850. The kit also included anti-werewolf silver bullets—you know, just in case.

Mario Kart Love Song

Sam Hart’s singer/songwriter gig is not what it sounds like. The San Francisco-based musician’s acoustic ballad “Mario Kart Love Song” references the video game in its lyrics (“no one can touch us if we pick up a star”), while evoking the crooning sweetness of a tributary tune (typically my least favorite kind of song). Donning a green hat and a painted mustache as he sings, Hart strikes the right chord between sentimental and satirical.

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The Adventures Of Langdon St. Ives

Eerie adventures...

James P. Blaylock has an affinity for inventing authors out of the blue. His fictional poet William Ashbless was reportedly imagined with the help of then fellow Cal State student Tim Powers. Though the two later found guidance under Philip K. Dick and have since gone on to become successful authors of their own, this urge to treat the imaginary as the real permeates Blaylock’s work.

The Adventures of Langdon St. Ives is a throwback volume of the purest form. Blayblock revives his classic steampunk stories and novellas in the guise of Langdon St. Ives for a pure parody/poem of Victorian exploration and eccentricity—a love letter to the literary imaginations of Jules Verne and H.G. Wells. The volume is divided into six sections and includes stunning illustrations by J.K. Potter.

The Last Man, Just A Guy

Post-Pac Man Apocalypse

Variations of the phrase “The Last Man” have been used by Nietzsche (to describe the weak-willed anti-superman), as the moniker for Vincent Price’s character in the 1964 film The Last Man on Earth (later reprised by Will Smith in I Am Legend), and now for the Sony Computer Entertainment’s PS3 game The Last Guy.

The title is satisfyingly cryptic, evoking the kind of ultimate of ultimates that make hero-driven narratives so compelling. Though the game was released a few months back, the structure has been unjustly under-appreciated. Focus, people! This game features a cape-clad hero (really, is there any better kind of hero?) running around real cities (thanks to Google Maps) while trying to save survivors from zombies (PURPLE zombies!).

The music features the kind of twinkling digitalizations that make me proud to be a child of the ’80s, while the graphics are more in tune with their Pac-Man-for-the-21st-century simplicity. The game is equally straightforward: gather up as many blob-like people as you can without running into zombies, alien creatures, or out of time on the clock. It sounds pretty basic, but the combination of real world satellite images and otherworldly aggressors gives it a World War Z meets Choose Your Own Adventure feel.